The need behind your grief is for love, affection and companionship

It is also important to note that people are afraid to express their feelings for the fear of becoming alienated from the people. Think about expressing your angry feelings to significant others because you care about them. If you did not care about them, you would probably withdraw and withhold your true feelings. By communicating, you open the door for good communication and chances for change.

When you are angry, you are likely to express your feelings aggressively. However, if you become assertive in your style, you are more likely to get desired results. If you become aggressive and demand a change, you are likely to put the other person on defensive because he will feel attacked. When you respect the dignity of others in your expression of anger, it gives a feeling that you care and you are not degrading them. They do not feel attacked and are more likely to show sensitivity to your needs and wants.

When you have experienced a loss, you feel sad because you will be lonely after the departure of your loved one

Sometimes, it is healthy to engage in vigorous work out to vent some of the stress you feel when you are withholding anger. Pounding on the pillow, screaming into a pillow can also help if your anger is really intense and you need to let go of the energy before you confront the person who is making you angry.

This is a sure sign that you need to do something about your anger

Deep breathing and meditation techniques also help reduce the intensity of your anger. Meditation has a calming effect and it reduces your agitation.

Cognitive restructuring of dysfunctional thought patterns also helps. We have already discussed how our cognitive errors influence our feelings and mood in other blogs written by the author. I would recommend the readers to refer to the blog written on automatic self talk to learn more about cognitive distortions and how to dispute them with Socratic questions, which put the irrational self talk to rational scrutiny. Try to find the errors in your thinking before you draw conclusions about others. When you hang on to mistaken beliefs and negative self talk, they seem to color your attitude, behavior, and your reactions to these events and persons. When you become aware of your errors, try to challenge and dispute them with rational counterstatements and this will reduce the intensity of your anger. People resort to sarcasm, and belittling statements when they are angry. Instead, try to be honest with your feelings and express them assertively with openness and willingness. This will ensure better results.

It is also crucial to identify the needs behind your feelings. For example you could be anxious because you are afraid that people will notice your anxiety when you speak and they will judge you. Here the need for acceptance is behind your fear. When you are angry with your spouse because he broke his promise, the need behind this anger is respect and consideration. When you are able to identify the need behind your feelings, you give a new meaning to your feelings and can do something about meeting these needs in a better way. In this way when you uncover the unmet need, you will be able to address these needs in a healthier manner. If you fail to address these needs, they are more likely to come and grip you over and over. For example, an unmet need for anger could persist and make you angry all the time.